Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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