What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
