apparently the secret to your success is patron
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
