hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
