you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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