if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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