I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
