she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
