Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you never un-have a 4some
There are leaves in my underwear?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize