I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
