I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
