Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
