i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
