Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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