He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
