We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
