can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
