How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
