So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
