Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
