EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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