It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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