i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
