I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
