I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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