The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
