he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
