its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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