I wanna bring you to show and tell
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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