i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
