I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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