i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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