Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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