I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
