I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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