you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
