can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
