This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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