Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
