gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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