Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
