Umm I'm too high to move.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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