If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
