You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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