so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
