i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Non-Jews are for practice
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
