Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
