The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
