Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
