sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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