don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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