Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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