i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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