We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
