he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
